I vividly recall the rage I felt after my memories of abuse resurfaced. Which is a “normal,” expected emotion you should feel toward your abuser or predator. They committed a crime against you—an ofttimes violent violation. We have every right in the world to be good and ticked off!
I wanted to get at both of my parents—but, they were dead. How exasperating and frustrating that was to me; not to be able to confront them. I wanted justice for their crimes against me, and I wanted it right now. My anger stayed with me until I was able to release it in a safe way. While my Mother did not sexually abuse me, she turned her head and allowed it because that was easier than leaving him and trying to find a job with three daughters. I have done a lot of hard work trying to heal, but I am still stuck with my Mother. I couldn’t let go of the fact my Mother knew and did nothing to save me. When my first husband passed, I went to find him a monument and ended up buying two. One for him, and one for my parents (at that time my memories had not resurfaced).
With every molecule in my body, I wanted to take a sledge hammer to that stone and bust it all to hell and back. I remember, Vic told me to wear goggles if I did it. I didn’t destroy it; just because of my two sisters.
If not properly released, innocent people may become innocent victims. You don’t want to take your child’s, or spouses head off, do you? It was easy for me to take someone’s head off and hand it to them. This was my second round with such rage. I had a great deal of rage after my husband passed, and we need to find an appropriate way to let it go. I released that anger one night when I was home alone. I went out on my back porch and screamed to the tops of my lungs at God. That is who I chose to be angry with because he could have stopped the drowning, but didn’t. I was livid.
Anger is normal and it’s okay to be angry, but don’t become violent with the innocent people around you. You cannot vent your angry on an innocent bystander. Your anger needs directed toward the one who victimized you. Afterall that’s really who you are angry with.
Do not stuff your anger, because anger unreleased turns to depression. Then, you’re just hurting yourself. I wanted to smash something big, or blow something up to express my anger. Punching bags can be an excellent way to beat the hell out of them, and you haven’t beat someone up. Try taking a sledge hammer to a watermelon, or something else that will explode. Your predator is not worth getting arrested over. Not to mention, you would be in the same boat he/she is in.
I will trust in you to find a good way to release all that anger without harming someone or going to jail.
If you have difficulty getting in touch with your anger, your therapist could be a great help. Your therapist also will give you ideas on how to release the anger in a good way.