Abuse and neglect ofttimes happen generation after generation. It always bothered me to think that someone who was abused in any form; could turn around and do the same thing to their own children. I was determined if I had children, I wouldn’t abuse them the way my parents abused me. I broke that ugly cycle of abuse in my family.
I had one son; and no parental skills, except to know I would not follow the example of parenthood my parents set. He certainly had all his basic needs met, and he was deeply loved. However, it does happen generation after generation.
Defending your abuser will almost guarantee, you too, will be an abuser. It’s a proven fact that beating on a child only hurts the child in its soul; not to mention the brain. Violence does nothing for disciplining a child. I can recall the many times I was beaten and threatened. My parents were the terrifying monsters that lived beneath my bed or in my closet.
If you are abusing your child/children, please go to counseling and stop the permanent damage that abuse causes. Stop the abuse in your generation—you can do it.
If you are of the mindset, of condoning your own parents violent discipline because you turned out better than okay; think again. If you’re a parent who “loses it” when disciplining your child; you are most likely reacting from unresolved trauma in your own life. Abuse plus children add up to one very traumatized child that you have hurt in the soul that will remain with them and affect them for their entire life.
It’s no mere accident that a parent will abuse their child/children in much the same way as they were abused. There are also very close matches between how a mother was abused and how she is maltreated as a wife. Once the repeated history is recognized; it only brings more fear and irritation. When you realize that the same thing that’s happening to your child, once happened to you, then it is time for treatment. If you were a victim of child abuse, you have a choice to make. Will you break the cycle of abuse or continue it?
I knew as a young teenager that I would be a different parent than mine was to me. I basically possessed no parental skills. But, I knew what I was not going to do to my child. I learned on my own how to be a parent. Therapy can also be very helpful in this area. You can be taught effective ways of disciplining your children without causing them permanent damage.
Just think of it—if you are a different parent than your own were—your children will also be a different parent and the abuse cycle will be broken.