A warm welcome to everyone! My name is Victoria, a survivor of severe child abuse (physically, emotionally, sexually, and neglect.)
It is my mission to help victims of child abuse become survivors too; help families understand the many aspects of child abuse and how they can help the victim; inform the public and judicial system of the devastation of being abused; and pursue punishment equal to the crime.
Hopefully, my blog will help therapists with their patients—giving them a resource where they can read for encouragement, support, affirmation, healing, recovery, and understanding the damage done.
A little bit about me. My abuse started when I was 4 or 5 years old; and continued until I had my first menstrual cycle. I had dissociated the abuse and had it buried deep within me. I was 41 when I recalled the abuse; and I am 60 years old now. Odd as it is; many adults recall their abuse at the age of 41. The specialists have no answer for this unusual phenomenon.
Many times throughout my life, I thought it would have been easier had he killed me than to go through life as I have. Abuse affects every relationship the victim will be in for life. In many cases, abused children cannot begin to reach their full potential in life due to the damage of the abuse; but that doesn’t mean you cannot work through the abuse, heal and be a survivor too; and be a productive individual.
My abusers were my parents; and I suffered a death experience at the hands of my father while he sexually abused me at the age of six. It was easier for my mother to blame me for the abuse than to place the blame on my father. She caught him molesting me on more than one occasion. They had three daughters, with me being the youngest. My mothers’ education was limited to the 7th grade level. She had no working skills; and no one to help her. So, she allowed the abuse to go on.
My father was an alcoholic—spending his entire paycheck on drinking, gambling and on other women. Countless times we had no food in the house to eat; however he would blow his entire paycheck drinking, gambling and carousing. When he’d come home in the wee hours; he’d wake everyone in the household fighting with my mother. He’d scream at her because there was nothing in the house to eat.
When you are a child being abused; most believe it is their fault and somehow they deserve this punishment. I spent years believing the threatening lies my father told me to keep me quiet. I was filled with absolute terror, shame, and humiliation. When my mother saw stains on my underwear she would say to me, “You dirty little slut”. I was too young to understand what caused the stains. Abuse strips you of your self esteem; and to this day, I cannot look strangers in the eyes. I can check-out at a store and never be able to identify the cashier. Just one aspect of the dirt-low self-esteem that the victims experience. Severe child abuse pretty much assures you of mental disorders in your life. Abuse shatters lives.